Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
