I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
