The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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