I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
