he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
