you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
