Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
