so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
