I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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