Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
