I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
