Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
