I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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