I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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