omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
