Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
