At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize