i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
