I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
