I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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