this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize