why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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