oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
