omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hippo gnu deer
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
