i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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