yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
