addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
