Nicole vs. Life
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The best revenge is premature balding
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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