he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
