she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
