I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
