They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
