You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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