I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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