i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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