R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
