im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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