I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
