idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
