Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
