i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
