belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
