I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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