i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize