My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
