Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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