Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
