So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
