He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
