No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize