i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
