we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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