Umm I'm too high to move.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
