All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
