A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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