this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
