I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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