Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
