planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
