Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
