Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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