Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
