i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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