i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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