That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
