Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Drunk is not a location!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
