I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
