Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
