That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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